Feminist

This article from the New York Times is thought-provoking, indeed. I agree that powerful women pose a threat to certain people and I’m sure they always will. (During her campaign for President, it was revealed that Hillary Clinton’s approval numbers were high, except when she was running for office.) I’m also aware that American women make 80 cents for each dollar an American man is paid. And despite initiatives and organizations that are educating Americans about rape culture, the statistics associated with assaults on women are still staggering. However, I don’t view the criticism aimed at Kellyanne Conway as strictly sexist or mysoginistic. She’s a public figure who inspires the same type of satire her male counterparts do. What I do find troubling is her comment:

“In a recent interview at the Conservative Political Action Conference, Ms. Conway said she supported many feminist principles but said she would not call herself one because feminism is anti-male, pro-abortion and identified with the left.”

Conway is ill-informed in regard to what the term “feminist” means. She’s not the only one; I’ve been aware of this definition for years. It’s been expressed in the conservative media and is supported by a relative of mine, who once took me to task on Facebook and suggested I channel my “feminist anger” into a more important cause.* Two years ago, The New Yorker magazine published its annual list of words that should be eliminated from the English language and “feminist” was included. (Days later, the editor removed the word from the list and printed an apology.) Apparently, disdain for the term is far-reaching.

I sincerely wish the word “feminist” was no longer relevant. It would be a wonderful world, indeed, if all women felt safe, respected, fairly-compensated for their work, were given the right to control their own bodies and had access to affordable healthcare. Unfortunately, here in America state legislatures and the Trump administration are working hard to curtail women’s rights and to take us back several decades, to a time before American women claimed their power and the right to choose  their own destinies. Until that day comes, feminists like me will speak up, loud and proud!

*My relative was reacting to an article I’d posted on Facebook about funding for Planned Parenthood. This subject is in the news again today; it’s part of the Trump administration’s newly-minted Affordable Care Act replacement. The President tried to make a deal with the healthcare provider; if they would agree to stop providing abortions, he would continue their funding. Planned Parenthood said “No” and The Donald pulled the plug on all funding. (This is Day One for the new healthcare bill. To no one’s surprise, it favors the young, the wealthy and the insurance companies. Let the games begin…)

My Own Best Friend

I’m convinced that women taking care of everything but themselves is an epidemic in the US. I’ve heard and witnessed examples of this phenomenon on a regular basis and it’s been a real eye-opener! There’s a difference between “running on all cylinders” and running yourself into the ditch of burnout. I’ve been in both places and I’m sure I’m not alone.

Our culture encourages this unhealthy behavior. I grew up in the New York metropolitan area, where overwork is the norm; take a sick day and you’re treated like a slacker! Also, the necessity of two income families throughout the country was a game-changer, since women are usually expected to work at a full time job and then come home to run the household, doing their “women’s work.” Then there’s the double-edged sword of the rising divorce rate; it’s important to have the ability to leave an unhealthy marriage, but if there are children involved, the divorced woman is often the overwhelmed custodial parent.

No matter what the situation may be, added to the mix is the powerful “inner voice,” whose words and philosophies are as different as we are. Our self talk is deeply ingrained, since it’s formed during our impressionable young years and it’s often demeaning, self sabotaging and filled with hopelessness. Negative self talk is not a women-only phenomenon; there are hundreds of workshops, life coaches, books and articles to be found that address this subject.

I’m encouraged when I see women making the important commitment to self care. Why it’s often difficult for us to do so baffles me, but I’ve accepted this fact, beginning with myself. It’s easy to slip back into the old habit of care-taking without taking the time to check in and nourish myself. And when the events of my life overpower me with stress, it awakens the depression that sleeps inside me, often resulting in a state of frozen overload. The good news is I’m aware of these tendencies and I truly believe I deserve happiness, good health and all the loving kindness I’m able to give myself. Learning to love and care for myself is like recovery; there are peaks and valleys and those times when a cruel inner dialogue makes me say, “What? YOU again?!” But one day at a time, and with the help of inspiring voices and faith, I’m finally becoming my own best friend.